CRITIQUE SERVICES
Critical Summary
September 29, 2011
SAMPLE OF ACTUAL NOVEL CRITIQUE (partial)
By Author’s Name Withheld
Dear Author:
I was surprised that you sent me so many pages of your novel. Usually, I contract to read only a synopsis and first chapter. However, I read the entire manuscript since you had already paid me for my time.
The story is gripping and full of surprising and interesting plot twists. It is full of excellent characters, all well-drawn. The story is intriguing and well-told thus far. I find no serious fault with your writing, but do see room for improvement if you wish to take your prose to a higher level.
For instance, you use participial phrases in some places to lead a sentence. This. to me, is weak writing in an already strongly-written novel. I try to avoid using such participial phrases. It is, to me, weak writing when you open a sentence such as this: “Upon entering the room, he glanced around.” Instead, I would write: “He entered the room, looked around.” You don’t have many of these phrases in your book, but you might wish to rewrite them.
And, while you do have a number of interesting similes, you also have some trite phrases, even clichés. We could go over these if you wish and try to eliminate or rewrite each of these. In some instances, a cliché is useful, such as in dialogue, but your use of them detracts from the power of your writing.
From what I’ve read so far, the book seems a natural for the Christian market. It all depends on what occurs in the rest of the story and how it ends. My question is, at this point, have you finished the novel? And, if so, does it have a moral conclusion? It seems, from what I’ve read, that you are heading in that direction.
If it is a book for the Christian market, I may be able to help you find both an agent and a publisher. And, this is a very strong market at this time.
I do like your clean, spare style, but if you want to elevate the quality of your writing, you could use a few tips on description, on the use of imagery, color, and metaphor in some places. For instance, you could use more of the 5 senses when you have a character first enter a new location. I like that your story covers a lot of ground, taking the characters to different locales, and you handle this well. But, you could do a bit more with your descriptive powers here and there. However, I would not want to tamper with the book if you are satisfied with the way it’s now written.
I am impressed with your pacing. The story moves fast and you have enough twists and turns in your plot to keep the reader absorbed and turning the pages.
We can talk aobut these things in person if you wish to drive up here to Pittsburg and meet me in my office.
I do not know how much of the book you sent me, but I would be interested in reading the rest of it.
There is no doubt in my mind of your storytelling capabilities. You draw interesting characters and their actions are believable. It is on the order of a spiritual thriller and believe it can easily find a market.
Let me know how you would like proceed.
Sincerely,
Jory Sherman
